While Lebron was announcing his decision to go to Miami, Dan Gilbert, the Cavs owner, was busy drafting a caps lock, quote mark, riddled diatribe against the man whose butt he had been kissing right up until 8:21 CDT yesterday.  It is true insanity.  Read for yourself, but I personally am having a hard time figuring out what was the most ludicrous part of the letter?

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=5365704

a.  The part where he announces that Cleveland will win a title before Lebron (notice that he insinuates that Lebron will eventually when one by his wording)

b. The part where he refers to a Christian tenet that has taught him that you must die in order to go to heaven (what the hell does this even have to do with anything?  Does he want Lebron to die?  Does he want him to go to hell?  Does he think Lebron is going to hell when he dies?  I’m baffled…)

c. The part where he describes the assortment of bad karmic, widju board inspired black magic that he has cast upon Lebron for leaving.

I can’t even believe this was real.  In fact, my first thought was, “man… who found Dan Gilbert’s computer unlocked, opened Outlook, and went to town?”

Perhaps the most shocking fact of all this, is that this same man somehow acquired enough wealth to purchase a professional sports franchise?!?  How?!?  It is impossible that this mystic garbage he touts ever led to good decision making in business.  It must have been some sort of inheritance/nepotism.

Hey Dan, it’s OK to be disappointed.  We’ve all been there- just be honest and say so instead of acting like a religious three year old.  If  I was a Cavs fan I would indeed be livid… @ Dan Gilbert.  Y’all really think any free agents are interested in going there lest they get a better offer down the road an be subjected to the “Insane Dan” treatment?  You should all boycott lest the Cavs become the official team of CrazyTown.

Edit: OK, so according to Wikipedia, the Quicken Loans label on the arena is because he owns the company.  Neat.  I’m never using TurboTax again.